Why You Should Sell All Your Stocks


I would like to make more money in the stock market, so I think it’s only fair that you sell all of your stocks in good companies.

There are dozens of reasons to ditch your stocks: The economy is terrible. The economy is over-heated. Stocks underperform. Stocks are overperforming and that means they’ll underperform. Obama is the anti-Christ. The Republicans are the anti-Christs. An asteroid could hit the earth. A diamond-filled asteroid could hit the earth, thereby causing massive inflation, thereby sending the economy into a free-fall. Gold will become the currency of choice. So will silver.  And maybe even platinum. The future is uncertain and the end is always near.

Should I go on?

Preferably, you should do this all at once, so that CNBC and other financial loudspeakers catch this meme and begin to spread the panic into the far-corners of the financial world.

Give this sell-off a nickname, too. The Great Panic. The Deep Dip. Worst-Recession-Ever. We can take some time and brainstorm these. Focus group them, too.

Would it be too much to ask, when you start to panic, to bail out of stocks that have relatively low P/Es, high dividend yields, earnings growth over a string of years, and  a lack of competition? Thanks so much!

You see when a panic hits, people do really stupid things, like sell the stocks of solid companies at a discount. They’ll take 50 cents on the dollar for some stocks that have cash, talent, and product lines that will absorb any difficulties during recessions and even depressions.

And, honestly, I am willing to take those off of your hands. That’s the kind of guy I am. You should have such a friend. There are thousands of others out here, too, who might be interested in buying stocks for half-price.

So, it’s imperative that you sell your stocks.